Rose Bushes and Cutie Pies

Last year, I planted 5 rose bushes. The very interesting thing about roses – at least these kind – they only produce buds on new growth. So, once a rose blooms and dies, the leaves surrounding it get left behind as new growth is sprouted on top of it.

About a month ago, I put my gloves on (only after learning the VERY hard way that you MUST wear gloves to prune rose bushes), grabbed the shears and started hacking away at the bush. My heart sank with every snip. I hacked and chopped my way down until only a few large “sticks” were poking out of the ground. It was sad, people. At least, before, it had leaves. Now it was just these sticks that had giant thorns poking out every which way. When the deed was done, I just stared at it. It was not fulfilling. Even though I knew in my head it was the “right” thing to do, I was a bit depressed over it.

I was proud of my roses! Now I only have sticks. Pokey sticks. Now more like weapons than a thing of beauty.

For over a month, I glanced at the sticks every time I went in the back yard. It was like they were screaming at me, “Why did you do this to me?!” “I’m sorry! I googled it and it told me to do it!” (Is it weird that I have mental arguments with my rose bushes?)

Well, one day, I walk by and took my usual heart wrenching glance. What’s this?! A LEAF that is growing out of a little knob on the stick?! Can it be TRUE??!!! Fast forward a few weeks and now – dah da dah DAH! – the sticks are gone! I now have actual BUSHES rather than menacing sticks! AND I have 3 roses that have bloomed!!! (applause is very necessary here.)

So, what’s my point and how does any of it have to do with God? Well, first of all, EVERYTHING has to do with God. Especially a garden.

I recently read a book called “Leota’s Garden” by Francine Rivers. (One of the GREATEST writers EVER!) There was a quote in there that I loved: “God created the garden for man and placed him in it. Adam and Eve fell into sin in a garden. Jesus taught in a garden. Our Lord prayed in a garden. He was betrayed in a garden. And He arose in a garden.”

This got me thinking…sometimes God has to do in our lives, exactly what I had to do for my rose bushes. He’s the ultimate Gardener. Not only did
He create a beautiful, physical garden for the first man and woman ever, He also is our spiritual Gardener. He cuts away the branches in our lives that need to be gone, in order that we might produce more of God’s glory in our lives. More of HIS kind of growth.

My personal pruning example: I love Cutie Pie’s. Chocolate Cutie Pies. They are glorious, little pockets of chocolate pudding, fried and covered in a glaze of pure heaven. Walmart just recently started carrying them and I dove in like it was my birthday. (Which it wasn’t.) They were cheap and 10 to a box! I knew God loved me more than anyone else on earth! Well, Kristin started eating whole boxes. Kristin had ZERO discipline when it came to the lusciousness of the ever-perfect Cutie Pie. The Lord apparently saw my weakness and what happened? Walmart carries peach ones, cherry ones, lemon ones…but no longer, any chocolate Cutie Pies. The instant I went for my 6^th box in 2 days, I knew…God pruned me. He knew that it was bad for me and he saw the future of my arteries – and He cut me off. And it hurt. Though I didn’t actually shed a tear, standing in Walmart, I wanted to. (My heart did.) * sniff*

You see, cutie pie’s in and of themselves aren’t bad things. But, they definitely don’t/didn’t produce anything good in my life.

For you, it may not be a cutie pie. But, what about that certain TV show? You’re not “technically” sinning when you watch it, but doesn’t it have regular sex scenes and promote homosexual lifestyles? What good can be brought in your life by that? Or what about that certain social networking site that consumes most of your time? You seem to have time to have a computerized “farm” yet claim to be so busy you can’t attend church or read your Bible daily?

So, maybe God wants to prune you. Maybe He’s trying to prune you. Maybe He wants those things in your life to be gone because He wants you to grow new branches. Holy branches. Branches of Light, not of the world. Not as punishment, but because He wants to give you that abundant life and so many other distractions exist that need to be gone.

Getting pruned is hard. It can hurt. But, give it time and soon….a leaf will sprout. Then get bigger and bigger and one day, not only will you have many leaves, you’ll have bloomed a beautiful rose. 🙂

God help me to recognize what things in my life need Your kind of pruning. I want the things that don’t produce any of Your kind of glory, to be gone out of my life. Help me to remember that it is all happening to make my life better and to make me better. Thank You for loving me enough to prune me to be more like You. Amen.

Scriptures I need to read today:

John 15:1-2 “I am the vine and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be more fruitful.”

(Kristin’s note: WOW. Is this not PERFECT?! I came upon this only after I wrote the blog. God is so good…I love confirmations.)

James 1:2-4 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

(Kristin’s note: I LOVE this verse and think of it often. When God cuts away at the things in our lives that must be gone, try to see Him in it in that it is creating you to be “mature and complete, not lacking anything.’”)

Godly Weeds

God is like weeds. Go with me on this.

You can’t stop them from growing. You can pluck them out of your flower beds, but more will grow back soon. In a huge parking lot of concrete, a weed will find the smallest crack to poke it’s head out to see the sun. No matter how hard you try, you can’t stop the weeds.

God is everywhere. We may try to pluck Him out of our lives, but He never truly leaves. When we think we are suffocating in our problems, God finds the light and grows hope in our lives.

When I was at my lowest point in my battle with depression a few years ago, I had a recurring thought. When we would be driving down the interstate, I would envision myself unbuckling my seat belt, opening the door and slipping out.

I had this thought every time.

I longed to be done with this world and to finally be able to truly sit in God’s lap. But, all the while I had these thoughts, and others, I could hear the battle between Satan and the Holy Spirit.

I was in a spiritual war. That’s what depression is. Satan telling me that I should do it and be at “peace”, while God was saying, “No, it’s not time.”

I had many battles like these. Daily. And if God hadn’t stepped in for me, I guarantee I would not be writing these words today. God planted hope in me and told me over and over, “It’s going to be ok. We’re going to get through this. You’re not alone.”

That hope was a weed in my life. No matter how hard I tried to give up, that Hope wouldn’t let me. Here’s why:

“”May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

See, God IS hope. So, if God is hope, and He lives in me, then I have hope. Not because I choose to have it, but because I chose to have God in me.

It’s the same for you. No matter what situation is in front of you. No matter how big the mountain. The God of hope wants to be that for you – He IS that for you. He has a plan, He knows best, and loves us more than our minds can fathom. May His hope grow like a weed in your heart.

Thank You, God, for not giving up on me. You have saved me countless times, countless ways. Your plans are for my good, help me to remember that always. Praise You for the miraculous ways that Your hope grows in my heart.

Scriptures I need to read today:

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Lamentations 3:22-25 “The Lord’s love never ends; his mercies never stop. They are new every morning; Lord, your loyalty is great. I say to myself, “The Lord is mine, so I hope in Him.” The Lord is good to those who hope in him, to those who seek him.”

The Fire

I stink at making a fire. Well, I did.

To my defense, I never had a fireplace growing up. My brothers and I would go out to the fire pit (really it was just the place we burned the trash) gather up pine needles, throw in some sticks, light it and there you go. Nothing fancy. It wouldn’t burn for long. But then we’d just throw on some more needles or whatever else we’d find on the ground.

But, a fireplace is a different beast. It’s technical and there’s a method. Well, only if you want that beautiful, long lasting kind of fire.

The other day, I’m home alone and cold. So, excited to have the “homey” feel of a fireplace, I decide to build/make a fire. I grab a log, put it in, wad up some newspaper, put it underneath, light it – there you go, right? Nope. My newspaper burned beautifully, for about 20 seconds. Then nothing. “It’s wood! It’s supposed to burn!,” I yell at my stubborn fireplace.

Later on, my wonderful husband, seeing my frustration, had mercy on me. He chopped up some logs into small logs – well, more like sticks. He instructed me to place the sticks in first. Then the log on top. My equally wonderful brother-in-law provided some “fire starter” which is balls of – something – that will burn for a long period of time. Long enough for the logs to catch fire.

Wait for it……I can now make a fire. Applause please.

So, what was I doing wrong? I didn’t have the knowledge of how to do it correctly. I also didn’t have the tools. But, my husband did. He loved me enough to give me direction and provide me with the right tools. See where I’m going with this?

We try and try to do things on our own. To do a job that we can’t possibly do. And we make a mess of our lives. And we fail. We fail miserably. We don’t possess the ability. We don’t have enough talent. We aren’t good enough for that job. And we’ll never be. We need Help. Someone with greater knowledge than we have. Someone with the right tools for the job. That Someone is Christ.

What tool does Christ give us? His word. Where is this knowledge we need? In His Word.

Many of you may read this and think, “Who can’t make a fire? It’s so simple!” And so are the directions God gives us to have the kind of life that He wants for us.

Luke 10:27 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.” Also, “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.”

It’s simple. It’s not easy – the Christian life is never easy. But, it is simple. And if we choose to follow His direction and use the tools He gives us – He’ll light a fire in our hearts that nothing can quench. Praise God for that! 🙂

God, Thank you for the lesson in the fire – or lack of fire. Please give me a spiritual fire that will burn for You everyday. Help me to feed it with Your words and to hide them there. I want the life You want for me.

Scriptures I need to read today:

Ephesians 1:4-7

“…in Christ, he chose us before the world was made so that we would be his holy people—people without blame before him. Because of his love, God had already decided to make us his own children through Jesus Christ. That was what he wanted and what pleased him, and it brings praise to God because of his wonderful grace. God gave that grace to us freely, in Christ, the One he loves. In Christ we are set free by the blood of his death, and so we have forgiveness of sins. “

Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.”

BIG

So, I’ve decided to read through the Bible in a year, chronologically. I’ve honestly never thought of the Bible as NOT being chronological, but after looking through the daily readings, I can see that now. For example, Genesis is separated by Job. Who knew? (Well, probably alot of people knew that, but not me…..I guess I’m a bad Christian.:)

I started today with Genesis 1-3 which is the story of creation through the fall of Adam and Eve. As I began to read about God creating the “heavens and the earth,” I just became in awe of how BIG God is. I once heard someone say, somewhere, that “the stars are pinholes in the floor of heaven.” While I don’t believe they actually are, I love how big that portrays God. Why do I love that God is big? Because then I feel so small. It makes my life seem small. Right now, that’s exactly what I need.

Things for awhile have seemed so big in my world. So many things that seem to all go wrong at once and all the sudden things in my life got HUGE.  The weight of these burdens is almost suffocating at times.

So, that’s why I love to know how big God is. It puts my life, and all the icky things in it, into perspective. If God is that big, which He is, then He can handle anything in my life. No matter how big they seem to me. Then I realized that it’s all a matter of focus.

When I focus on the things in my life that SEEM big, I noticed that with every unanswered prayer and every moment I feel as if He’s ignoring me, God SEEMS small. But, when I focus on God- and read about His incredible miracles – suddenly my problems don’t seem as big because compared to the BIG-NESS of God, they’re nothing. 

Like so many things in life, it all depends on what you CHOOSE to focus on.  How big your problems are, or how big God is. And I admit that lately – well, honestly, for awhile now – I’ve been focusing on the wrong thing. I once heard another quote that says, “Don’t tell God how big your storm is, tell your storm how big God is.” That is so true. Suddenly, I feel lighter and can breathe easier. It’s all a matter of focus. 🙂

God, thank You for reminding me of how big You are.  Take the storms in my life and calm them. Always keep reminding me that You are in control and that I can seek refuge in You. Thank You for Your wonderful miracles on this earth and for the many blessings You give.

Scriptures I need to read today:

Isaiah 25:4a, “You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat.”

Psalm 27:14 “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”

 Romans 8:38-39 “I am sure that nothing can separate us from God’s love—not life or death, not angels or spirits, not the present or the future, and not powers above or powers below. Nothing in all creation can separate us from God’s love for us in Christ Jesus our Lord!”

The Perfect Chart

So today hasn’t been the greatest so far. And it’s completely, 100% my fault.

Since Kalae will begin school next week, I thought it would be good to have a chart – of sorts – on her wall so be able to remind her what she needs to do in the mornings. I decided to make one since I couldn’t find anything online that I thought was right. So I begin to make it – then I stop.

I remember that I’m married to a graphic designer. Which is just one of his many talents.

I suddenly became incredibly self-conscious. He could do a much better job than me.  He could make this magazine worthy and almost life changing.  He could design something that makes the mornings magically go so much better and she’ll always wake up happy – looking at his beautiful chart.

But, I can’t do it. I can’t make something like that. Mine will be very bland, boring, and make the mornings go awful because she’d wonder why her chart wasn’t incredible.

Yes, I realize this is completely absurd, but by my attitude towards it, you’d think I was curing cancer. Suddenly, the potentially fun project was now a burden of perfection. If it wasn’t perfect, then it wasn’t good enough.

I wasn’t good enough for the task at hand.

That’s when I knew that this was deeper than just a chart. I want to be perfect. At everything. Being a wife, being a mother, being a Christian, as well as making a chart….

God just gently reminded me that I don’t have to be perfect. It’s actually kind of hard for me to say that. I don’t have to be perfect. God only requires my best. Whatever the outcome, God only requires my best.

My chart may not be as good as many other people could do. But, it’s the best chart I could make. And it’s completely functional and will promote better time management for my daughter.  It works!

You may not be the best at something. Chances are, you’re like me and not the best at a lot of things!! But, that’s when we must remind ourselves that it’s ok. Give all that is in you towards whatever task and have peace knowing you did your best.  That God is smiling at your work even if no one else is. Suddenly I don’t care what others may think – I know God is smiling at me and that’s the best feeling in the world.

Make God smile today. 🙂

God, I realize my need for perfection. Help me to overcome those feelings and remind me that I only need do my best for You and You alone. Strengthen me to always do my best at whatever task and have peace and joy that it is ok. Thank You for being perfect and for Your patience with my imperfect ways. You are so good.

Scriptures I need to read today:

Colossians 3:23-24 “In all the work you are doing, work the best you can. Work as if you were doing it for the Lord, not for people. Remember that you will receive your reward from the Lord, which He promised His people. You are serving the Lord Christ.

Joshua 24:14-15 “Now respect the Lord and serve Him fully and sincerely…Serve the Lord. But if you don’t want to serve the Lord, you must choose for yourselves today whom you will serve.”

Psalm 29:11 “The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace.”

The Hurricane

I’m not talking about Hurricane Rita that took our house in 2005 or even the latest one in our area, Ike, that destroyed an entire city. I’m talking about the hurricane in my house: my son, Raden.

a.k.a. Hurricane Raden.

There’s probably one chore I loathe to do most. It is the one that is truly never done and always looms over my head, screaming at me. I’m talking about the one and only: kids’ rooms. They are never clean and always messy.

This morning I decided to hit the ground running and get it done – correctly – which would take all morning. I was emotionally prepared, had my coffee, and ready to knock it out and spend the afternoon rewarding myself with knitting for at least an hour.

And I did! I got Raden’s room done and moved on to Kalae’s room. When I first walked in her room, I spotted some glasses that needed to go to the kitchen, so I grabbed them then headed back down the hall. As I walked by Raden’s room, I happened to glance in. Just to get a beautiful peek at my gloriously clean room.

As I walked by, I stopped dead in my tracks. My emotions then ranged from sadness to wanting to weep, then anger to wanting to bang my head against the door frame. Hurricane Raden had been through and the devastation sat before me. The toy box was tipped over, empty, and the floor was completely covered.

I just stood there. I thought, “I just cleaned it up! Now I ALREADY have to do it again?! When will he learn??!!”

As I pondered that, I realized that it was a perfect situation to show what we do to God. Sin completely destroyed our lives and when we came to know Christ, He cleaned us up and made us beautiful, completely spotless. Yet, we soon forget His forgiveness. We also forget His graciousness for loving us so much that He wiped away our detestable sin in order that He could be close to us. We soon fall back into the life we knew and wreck it all again.

I’m sure God wants to say, “I just cleaned it up! When will you learn?!” At least He definitely has the right to do so. I’m sure His frustration goes much deeper than mine does with a toddler’s messy room. He deals with people messing up their very lives. Choosing to live in a sty of a life rather than choosing to live a life of beauty.

Keeping your life clean is hard. Not doing all the sinful things in life is HARD! It’s the little sins that are the hardest: pride, selfishness, coveting things we don’t have, anger, and lust to just name a few. But, as we know with housework, it can’t just be a weekly thing. You can’t go to church once a week, get your little “fix” of God, then expect your life to be right. Keeping your life, and your house, clean is a DAILY thing. And as my son showed me today, sometimes it’s multiple times a day!

So, instead of getting mad at my son for undoing all the work I had done, I thought I should treat him as God treats me when I mess things up. I offered him patience, instead of anger. I offered him compassion, because he’s still little and needs my help. I gave him love, because even though he made me mad for a moment, he still melts my heart.

Isn’t it wonderful that God does that for us? That He gives us such patience, despite how much we probably anger Him. The incredible compassion He has for us because we can be so immature and selfish, just like toddlers. And for His great love, that we can never repay. The very LEAST we should do for Him is try our hardest to keep our lives clean for Him.

But, like my son, it’ll take some time, patience, compassion, love and sometimes tough love for us to finally learn. 🙂

 

God, thank You for the message You sent me through my little man today. I know that I can treat you the same. But, unlike him, I should know better. I’m sorry for how quickly I can forget the wonderful things You do for me and my family. Remind me daily of how much You are in my life and how much You love me and bless me as You do. Thank You for Your never ending love and patience as I learn to live a life that makes You smile.

Scriptures I need to read today:

Psalm 86:5 “Lord, You are kind and forgiving and have great love for those who call to You.”

Ecclessiastes 2:26 “If people please God, God will give them wisdom, knowledge, and joy.”

Isaiah 54:10 “The moutains may disappear, and the hills may come to an end, but my love will never disappear; my promise of peace will not come to an end.”

(Kristin’s note: For those that might not know: this is God, Himself, speaking to us.)

Colossians 3:23-24 “In all the work you are doing, work the best you can. Work as if you were doing it for the Lord, not for people. Remember that you will receive your reward from the Lord, which He promised to His people. You are serving the Lord Christ.”

(Kristin’s note: This tells me to clean my kids’ rooms as if doing it for the Lord – even if it’s over and over and over…..:) )

 

 

 

The Dreaded Changes

Have you ever woke up one day and by the time you go to bed that night, somehow your life has taken a drastic turn? A change that you never could have predicted? A change only God, Himself could draft for your life?

Well, that’s what happened to me yesterday. Mainly the biggest change being that my husband woke up unemployed, but went to bed with a great job that he’s excited about doing.

Many changes seem to be happening at once in my life. Ryan has a new job with new hours, he’s decided (as well as I) to leave our current church to become youth pastor at another. We now have the option of sending our daughter to school along with Ryan, since he works there now. In a couple of weeks, I lose my husband and my daughter out of the bulk of my life, and the familiarity of my church. There’s a tinge of sadness there from that. Many, many changes. Our once mundane, boring life has now become busier than ever.

But, Kristin has not done well with change in the past. (Yes, I sometimes refer to myself third person – owell.) Kristin really hasn’t taken change with much grace. It’s really not the change necessarily. It’s the stress that comes with feeling out of place and having no set routine. So, until we settle in to this new life of ours, it’s going to feel hectic and chaotic to me. And my track record for that is…well, let’s just say it’s not very good.

But, that’s the past. I’m already praying for God to help me make this transition a perfectly smooth one. That I do finally find the grace to glide along without falling. But, I know myself and God is going to have to do a miracle to answer that prayer. Fortunately, I serve a God that thinks miracles are easy.

Miracle is a perfect word to describe why these changes are even taking place. For awhile, we’ve felt that the pieces of our lives were floating above our heads. Never settling. So many issues up in the air with no clear answer as to how to solve them. But, in one day – literally – almost every piece floated down into it’s perfect position by the Creator of the puzzle. It’s amazing how God can work so fast sometimes. I’ll admit that my impatience makes me sometimes think that God takes FOREVER to do things. But, that’s just because I want everything now. I stand (well sit, actually) in amazement at how He can do such great things, with so much ease.

When I start thinking about that, suddenly this change doesn’t seem so daunting. When we think on what God has done in our lives, the major things He’s accomplished, we’re reminded that He did it then and will do it now. This season of impending chaos will subside and all the pieces will settle into perfect place just as God did for me yesterday. And will do for me today. And will do for me tomorrow.

I have no doubts that God wants these changes in our lives. He wants our world to go in this direction. So, I know that it’s – ultimately – going to be for our good. Even if I don’t handle everything with perfect grace, I’m going to be in the exact place God, Himself wants me to be. And I’m ok with that. 🙂

 God, thank You for Your miraculous ways. Thank You for this new journey, even though I’ve very apprehensive of the season of adjustment. I give my concerns to You and ask that You fill me with an unquenchable peace and stillness.  You are great.

 

Scriptures I need to read today:

Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God.”

(Kristin’s note: When I’m freaking out, I read this verse. God always tells my heart, “Kristin, calm down, remember Who I Am.”

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you…plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

(Kristin’s note: I know these changes are from God, so they will be for our good, not bad. For hope, not depair. And for a future for our family.)

 

My Book So Far

I view my life as a book. Certain seasons become the chapters in the story of my life. My childhood is one, my teenage years are a painful chapter, my marriage could be a book in and of itself. My children each have their own continuing stories. But, I honestly have to say that so far, my book contains lots of pain, lots of struggle, and probably is overall a sad story.

I’ve struggled for lots of reasons. Things that just happened to me for no obvious reason, direct consequences of sin, or it’s the journey to defeat many strongholds in my life. Specifically, strongholds of depression and fear. Those strongholds ran my life. I lived through them. So to defeat them, I have to change my entire life – decide to have a different life that doesn’t exist with them. It’s a struggle to change every aspect of yourself. It takes persistent determination and sometimes I battle not just every day, but every moment of every day. It’s so hard! Without God, it’s also impossible.

But, let me express to you how joyful I am to finally be able to say that I feel I’ve started a new chapter in my life. I’m going to call it “The Healing Chapter.” I’ve witnessed more healing in the last 3 months than I ever thought I’d see in 3 years. In myself, my husband, our family as a whole.

There have been moments in my life where something miraculous happens and I think, “How could anyone ever doubt that God exists?” This is one of those times. I will never be able to doubt whether God is in my life. Whether His hand is directly involved in it.

As I look back and “reread” those chapters of my journey, I also see His hand. How God can take something that we see as negative and turn it into the most beautiful blessing. God is in the business of surprises and I think He loves seeing those “light bulb moments” that occur in us when we finally see God’s hand had been there all along. I see how God used my depression, how He used my childhood experiences, and how He’s used the struggles of my marriage, all to mold me into the woman I am today. The woman He wants me to be. Do I believe He CAUSED some of the things that happened to me? No. But, I believe He ALLOWS certain things to happen so He can do one of His miracles in my life. To show me He’s still here.

I feel stronger now. I feel more peaceful now. I am a better wife, mother and person now than I was a year ago. All because of the struggle. But, really it’s because of the victory over the struggle that God has given me. And will give you, too.

So my sad story is no longer a sad one. It’s an inspirational one. Well, at least to me.

Am I done with struggle? No. Will I have many more battles? Yes. But, I now KNOW that He will be with me through them all. You know why I know? Because He’s been there for all the previous chapters of my book.  And He’ll use every struggle from this point on to make things better for me. To make me better. To make my life better.  And I’m ok with that. 🙂

God, thank You for the many ways You have proven Your faithfulness to me. How you’ve lead me through the valleys and over the mountain tops, never leaving my side.   How You’ve been there to catch me, lift me, and pull me in all the ways I should go. I’m sorry for the times I’ve fought you, thrown fits, and yelled at You. Your patience with me is astounding.  Thank You for fulfilling Your promises in my life and for loving me, despite how much I don’t deserve it. You truly are a great God.

Scriptures I need to read today:

Deuteronomy 7:9 “So know that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God. He will keep His agreement of love for a thousand lifetimes for people who love Him and obey His commands.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.”

(Kristin’s note: This is my mom’s favorite verse. It truly has been a very useful one in my life.)

Romans 8:39 “Neither heighth nor depth or anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, our Lord.”

(Kristin’s note: No matter what we’ve done, or what ever happens to us, we can’t get away from His love. Isn’t that incredible?!)

I’m tired.

I am so tired. I wake up and not long after, I just want to go back to bed. Unfortunately, I express my fatigue through anger. And it’s true that I’m angry. I hate being tired. I hate trying to function through a fog of exhaustion. And yet, I do. Everyday. And it’s been that way for a long time. And I’m angry about that. Why does it have to be so hard for me?! Why can’t I have the normal energy of every other 27 year old on earth? Why can’t I have at least a bit of it – considering I have 2 kids and a husband? I’m so tired of being……well, tired. I know there’s a Scripture that says something like God gives “rest for the weary.” But, is God going to babysit my children so I can go back to bed?

But, you know why I get angry? I can’t seem to do it all.

I hate admitting that I absolutely cannot take care of the kids and keep an immaculate house. I can’t do housework after the kids go to bed because Ryan and I need some time for us. I feel stretched and pulled millions of ways and I can’t do them all at the same time. If I try to do the house, one or both of the kids need something every 3 seconds. If I lay on the couch, I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt that the dishes have not been done.

The sunday school answer to all of this is that the house doesn’t matter. What matters is my children and that they are loved and that my husband feels loved. And while I agree with that, my house DOES matter to me. Yes, it’s true that playing with my children is more important than the smell starting to come out of the kitchen sink. But I also don’t want my children believing that their mother is their personal circus performer and is at their beck and call. I want a clean home. I also want my family to be loved. But, I struggle to find that balance…….. I’m so tired.

You know why we can’t do it all? Because then, we wouldn’t have a need for God. Where we leave off, He picks up. Where we fall short, He finishes. So, in this situation in my life God is just reminding me how much I need Him and how little I am without Him. And I’m ok with that. 🙂

 

 God, I need the rest that You alone give to Your very weary children. Please help me with anger. Steal it from me because it is stealing my peace and joy. Help me to recognize it quickly before my family gets the brunt of it. Replace it with peace and love and make me realize that everything doesn’t need to be done in an instant. Give me an energy that comes from You. I am Yours – please fix me.

 

Some Scriptures I need to read today:

James 1:19-20 “…always be willing to listen and slow to speak, Do not become angry easily, because anger will not help you live the right kind of life God wants.”

(Kristin’s note: ouch. That’s a slap in my face today. )

Hebrews 4:3a “We who have believed are able to enter and have God’s rest.”

(Kristin’s note: God, I believe. Help me to enter in to that rest.)

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 “He comforts us every time we have trouble, so when others have trouble, we can comfort them with the same comfort God gives us.”

(Kristin’s note: If you feel like I do, I pray that God’s brings you comfort in your life as well.)